


Polysnakes

by StarJayBirb



Category: G.I. Joe (Cartoon), G.I. Joe - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Flirting, Comedy, F/M, G1 but CC is human, M/M, M/M Sex, Polyamory, Romance, Sexual Content, Softcore smut, Threesome - F/M/M, movie is not canon, sex happens but nothing explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 15:54:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19088251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarJayBirb/pseuds/StarJayBirb
Summary: Sunbow inspired continuity Joe.  Destro, Baroness, and Cobra Commander start up a three-way polyamorous relationship much to Destro's dismay.





	Polysnakes

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I should say that i'm very sorry or that i'm not at all sorry. Beta reading and editing assistance by DandyDeCobry

Destro Has Regrets.

Destro knew himself well. He knew for a fact that he was the man who had all the best plans. He knew he was an evil man. He was in fact a terrifying enemy of GI Joe. And most of all, he knew without a doubt that he was the only bit of sanity running of the circus show known as The Cobra Organization. This belief of sanity was more than a simple belief, it was a cold hard fact, he knew that without his rationality the organization would have run itself straight into the ground years ago. MARS’s support was the only reason Cobra had managed to get as far as it did, all more or less due to Destro’s unwavering, iron fisted hold on his own sanity in the face- or in this case a lack of an actual face- of pure insanity.

Destro was the single pillar of rationality that kept all of Cobra from collapsing and he was never prepared to let himself crack or waver under any circumstance.

Yet despite his level (albeit chrome) headed nature, Destro finally found himself in the least rational position of his entire life. Something that might as well have been the furthest thing from sane, let alone rational. Because that night he was in a blue, snake-themed bedroom at the edge of a king sized bed standing across from his girlfriend with his pants down and having sex- not with the ever seductive love of his life-but rather inside the man in the metal faceless mask who was held between himself and his girlfriend. To reiterate, in that very moment, he was in a threesome with The Baroness and currently screwing his boss, Cobra Commander.

-and it was all the fault of The Baroness.

To elaborate on what was going on, or more importantly why this was going on, everything took a nosedive because Destro and The Baroness where in something of a semi open relationship. Destro was prone to jealousy from time to time but was willing to consent with The Baroness wanting to mingle around a bit, so long as he was still her number one. The only rule was no Joes, and if there was any on-base mingling going on she would talk about it with him directly, and vice versa should he ever decide to be open on his end. This had gone fine for years but eventually the woman got bored after having her taste with many different kinds of people, boredom had to grown dangerous malaise, and with that danger came curiosity. Curious enough to wonder what it would be like to screw The Commander of all people. The full story of what lead up to that was a long one for another day, but the main take away was that one day she started to find him kind of cute.

Destro was immediately against it, “absolutely forbade it” to quote himself, but she insisted against his judgement that it would be a “one and done” kind of deal. Who was he to tell his girlfriend of an open relationship status who she could and could not have sex with? The very concept of it was unimaginable yet still it technically did not make him feel threatened or jealous, just disturbed more than anything, so in the end he reluctantly agreed to it.

It was, after all, nothing more than a horrible idea that would lead to an awkward night of terrible sex, and possibly years of bad interpersonal work relations. The night was destined to end horribly, he was sure of it and was more than ready to say “I told you so” by the end of it.

But no.

No, of course it could not be that simple because she ended up LIKING it. Somehow, some way, the experience with The Commander had amounted to being a “real swell time” and according to The Baroness’s own words, the masked moron was apparently “an absolute trooper in the bedroom.” Destro never wanted to know what that meant. Ever.

Unfortunately for Destro, he never got to have never, as it was far sooner than later that The Commander became a frequent partner for The Baroness, and before Destro could even get an argument in about what was going, on she had invited him to watch … which eventually he agreed to if just to make her happy (again against his better judgement.) One thing led to another, and another lead up to the current moment where only by the wills of dark witchcraft, he was convinced to partake in a threesome with Cobra Commander.

This was all her fault.

Not his fault but her fault.

All her fault he was having sex with The Commander and more so her fault as she was helping it happen. And it was absolutely her fault that for whatever reason, Destro might even be enjoying what he was currently doing…

...but not so much that he would consider it true enjoyment as even locked away in The Commander’s large, secluded, and expensively furnished snake-themed room located behind tightly locked doors at the end of a long hallway, Destro was sure without a doubt that everyone on every level of the base could hear what was happening.

  Or, to put it generously, The Commander was not known for being any sort of soft spoken.

 

  “Ah! Destro SLOW DOWN!” The Commander yelled as Destro moved a bit further into his boss.

 Destro let out a long, drawn out groan as any enjoyment he could have previously had was ruined by his commander’s shrill voice. He paused again for the tenth time to retort. “Be quiet Commander! Do you want anyone to hear!?”

“Please Destro darling you know that trying to tell our leader to be quiet is like trying to push a boulder up a mountain,” Baroness teased as she smiled up from the bed over The Commander’s helmet. She was behind the Commander holding up his back for support and has taken the job of instructing each of them since the beginning of the night.

“I don’t even know what that metaphor - ah -means!” The Commander yelled as Destro could literally feel The Commander’s discomfort despite hardly moving.  
At least even if anyone could hear they would not be able to see what was happening. As it was just previously described, Cobra Commander was sandwiched between Destro and The Baroness at the edge of his bed. No one would be able to see in the dark, barely lit room that was illuminated by the last few embers from The Commander’s personal fireplace. Destro did feel a bit more dignified as he found himself doing exactly what he was doing to said Commander, all while holding the masked man up by trembling thighs with his girlfriend holding that same man up by the torso and under the arms for added support.  
“Commander, might I suggest taking a deep breath or two? Try to relax a bit,” Destro suggested as gently as he could.

“I’LL BREATHE WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT DESTRO!”

Baroness let out a genuine laugh before trying to coax The Commander with a bit of flirting. “You know you are never this tense with me Commander, and I know we have tried more adventurous equipment.”

“It’s not the equipment that’s the problem!” CC hissed back to Baroness.

“Please don’t mention equipment,” Destro muttered but was then ignored.

“I see you must be shy around my boyfriend?” she teased

“NO!” Cobra squaked and Destro winced as he felt it.

Destro just wanted this to be over with, he didn’t care for any of this kind of talk about “equipment” that had been used on The Commander.

Taking note of the duel frustration in the room, Baroness took charge. “Destro darling, slow down a bit and let The Commander take a few breaths.”

Destro didn’t need to be told twice.

“Now Commander, I want you to relax, take some deep breaths,” she whispered into the side of CC’s helmet and motioned him with her hand on his neck to rest his head against her shoulder. To Destro’s surprise Cobra did as he was told, and continued to take instruction, after a bit of adjusting and breathing, The Commander was more comfortable to say the least … a lot more comfortable Destro could tell.  
Though comfortable or not, Destro was not going to admit that the Commander was attractive to him in any way. Any attraction he felt was at his barely dressed girlfriend who was whispering sultry instructions at each of them and absolutely not at the sight of his commander with his neck craned back at a sharp angle mixed with fingers twitching at every new movement inside of him. Or that there was something Destro found to be enjoyable about how he got his commander react in certain ways. Like after a few moments of steadiness Destro decided to suddenly take a quick sharp thrust without warning.

“OW! DESTRO BE CAREFUL!”

Destro found a chuckle at his Commander’s expense. “What are you going to do about it, Commander?”

“WHEN I’M OUT OF THIS I SWEAR-”

“You’ll what Commander? Fire me?” Destro couldn't help but let out another small laugh over just how reactive his boss was, something not unnoticed by The Baroness as she immediately shot him a playful look. The Commander’s reaction’s suddenly seemed more amusing than vexing as he continued to shout up at Destro despite his compromising position.

“NO! BUT YOU’LL GET WHAT’S COMING TO YOU!”

Unknown to what spirit had come over him, Destro felt himself immediately act on the urge to tease The Commander further, if only based on the fact that it was sort of funny in it’s own absurd way.

“I’m afraid it seems that you will be the one getting what’s coming to you, Cobra Commander,” Destro joked just before he could think about what he had just said.

“UGH! THAT IS SO CRUDE!” Cobra Commander yelled shrill with disgust, while he was in the middle of something completely crude.

The easy to provoke reactiveness only made Destro want to continue further with what he was currently doing. “But Commander we are already doing the crudest thing two friends can do.”

Cobra gagged at that statement and then followed up with more yelling. “FRIENDS?!? YOU THINK WE ARE FRIENDS?!??”

Now Destro could only laugh at his commander before he began to move in his boss with long drawn out movements before ending each statement with a sudden thrust. “Could have fooled me what with all our dinners together -”

“Ah!” The Commander yelled out with a full body shiver at the movement. This did not stop Destro from continuing to list off what good friends they where.

“-our games of mind control arcade-”

“SHUT UP YOU CHROME HEADED SMART ASS!”

“-evil weather dominating plans -” This time The Commander only let out a short groan.

“I think we are without a doubt very close friends,” he leaned down to The Commander’s metal face as he grasped the legs even tighter. He could only see his own distorted reflection in the faceplate, but could still imagine the aggravated expression on his commander’s face.

The Baroness looked on at her boyfriend in a sort of silent awe over the manner in which the tone of their little scene had done a 180 on itself. She let out a short giggle as she decided to get in on teasing The Commander into passion filled enragement. “I must say you look simply adorable while my boyfriend is taking good care of you,” she addressed her commander with a playful tease in her voice, relishing how she could feel him tense up under her hands.

He immediately shot his head back and balled his fist at The Baroness. “I’ll show you adorable!”

Destro let out another short laugh before making fun of The Commander even more. “Come now Commander, you have better ones then that!”

“Ah - I can’t - think-of-better-ones!”

“Then might I suggest you don’t think anything?” Baroness suggested with clear humor in her tone.

Not appreciating the current treatment he had been receiving he turned his head to growl at The Baroness. “Don’t you tell me what to do, woman!”

Destro immediately retorted, “Given your position you shouldn’t speak so harshly to the love of my life.”

Cobra snapped his head back at Destro. “Given my current position you shouldn’t be speaking at all Destro!”

“But I’m afraid that because of your position Commander-” he rolled his hips to get another sharp gasp “-you don’t have a say in who gets to speak.” He could feel his commander’s legs shake violently in his hold as he quickened his pace.

Instead of speaking at this, Cobra instead let out a deafening scream that tapered off into shuddering gasps. With that, the last threat of a sane thought quickly left Destro only to become controlled by base level lust. A lust that was even more so lead on by The Baroness who shot him a look of pure enjoyment as she held the shivering commander as tightly as she could and began to kiss the side of his helmet.  
“Just a little longer my dear commander.”

 ***

 

The deed was done and Destro, the man with the plans, the evil man, and the terrifying enemy of GI Joe, found himself sandwiched on the navy blue bed between the long term love of his life and his horrible boss. He could only stare up at the ceiling in wordless horror over the act he had just committed and try his best to not take any sort of notice towards Cobra Commander who was currently cuddling and trailing a gloved finger over Destro’s chest in an unambiguous flirtatious manner.

“That wass fun wouldn’t you sssay?”

“I would say so, my word Destro you got very into it. I didn’t even know you had that side to you,” Baroness commented with unadulterated amusement from the other side of the bed.

He shook his metalic head and kept his vacant stare up at the dark blue ceiling, the only place left he could look without shame. “Don’t talk to me. Neither of you talk to me.”

A low hiss like laugh emitted out of The Commander at Destro’s horror. “Aww don’t you want to make thiss a weekly hang out?”

He wanted to die. “I don’t want to look at you ever again, Commander.”

“Desstro don’t be such a spoilsport, not after being so fun~”

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first ever published fic.  
> I got into GI Joe, fell in love with The Cobra Crew, and then started shipping CC/Destro/Baroness as a joke until one day it stopped being a joke and started being serious. DandyDeCobry and I have essentially reinvented an entire verse based on G1 Joe for our own fun, mainly focusing on the life of Cobra Commander.  
> I may write the prequel of what happened the first night with The Baroness and Cobra Commander if anyone is interested. 
> 
> The lines referring to "Destro has a plan, he's an evil man, terrifying enemy of GI Joe" was a reference to an old commercial https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAa6LaXi4Zc&feature=youtu.be&t=142


End file.
